


When We Wake From Our Nightmares

by tippykazoo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 15:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11038608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tippykazoo/pseuds/tippykazoo
Summary: FitzSimmons talking about their feelings in space.Trailing off the end of season 4, Fitz and Simmons work through some issues.





	When We Wake From Our Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I know, there's a chance the team isn't even in space. Also, none of this would ever happen. But I am FitzSimmons trash so, here, have a fic.

Waking up in an unknown place was hard on them both. One thing they most certainly still had in common was distrust. After everything they’d both been through, Fitz and Simmons found themselves wary of everything.

Simmons reacted with a frustrated groan when she woke in a bunk in space. The first thing she thought of was Maveth and an unwanted tear slid down her cheek before she could catch herself emotionally. “It’s happening again...” became a resounding chant in her head.

Fitz woke angrily. It was a terrifying anger because he now associated it with his Framework self. He cringed away from his own anger, sitting on his bunk and leaning over to put his head between his knees and panic. He didn’t even try to get out at first, thinking he deserved a space dwelling prison for all he’d done.

Simmons was a survivor. She’d faced so many things before. Space wasn’t even new to her. She opened the door to her tiny cell, curious as to why it was unlocked and eager to go find out what was going on. The first person she ran into was Daisy and Jemma found herself hugging her friend immediately. After the Framework, Simmons had found herself accustomed to knowing Daisy was irrefutably one of her most trusted friends.

“Simmons, what the hell is going on?” Daisy started as they broke the hug, standing determinedly in a sci-fi reminiscent corridor.

“I’m guessing this is our latest form of punishment for being Shield,” Simmons replied bitterly. “Have you seen anyone else since waking?”

“I found an open door a few rows down. Maybe one of our team is already figuring out what’s going on?” Daisy looked hopeful and Simmons envied her optimism.

“We’d best go find out then. Shall we stay together?” Simmons asked. She didn’t want to split up, the thought worried her. Splitting up had last led to most of their team being replaced with LMDs. She wanted to grab onto Daisy’s hand and make sure neither of them were separated. But her rational mind interrupted and waited for her friend’s response.

“Good thinking,” Daisy nodded her head and Simmons was thankful for that. They wandered through corridors for a while, most of them looking the same. There weren’t any other people around and Simmons wondered if this was considered night time on their space station, assuming that was what this thing was. If not, then maybe their team had been quarantined off from others.

Eventually, they started trying doors. They found various rooms they were both familiar with: a gym, a lab, a room with couches and a television. Simmons was beyond thrilled when she found an office space dedicated to a beautiful holotable. Part of her felt like she was at the academy again and she turned her head to excitedly tell Fitz until she remembered just where she was and what had happened and she felt a twinge of disgust with herself for getting caught in the moment.

After several tries, they ended up in a kitchen space where they found Coulson and May. Daisy hugged them both and Simmons stayed back, trying to remember that these people were her team and could be trusted. That was until Coulson started to speak.

“I know you’re probably both confused,” were his opening lines when Simmons’ face contorted into an expression of disgust. He’d known this was coming and hadn’t said anything, she could feel it. “I made a deal with Ghost Rider…” Coulson trailed off, waiting for their reactions.

Daisy looked confused but Simmons looked angry. She was so angry, in fact, that she took a step forward, teetering on aggressive, and May stepped between her and Coulson. Simmons wondered if anyone thought she was a threat right then. She was weaker than anyone else in the room but part of her knew that none of them would fight her. Perhaps out of pity or whatever familial bond they’d all flourished during their years together.

“You did this to us,” Simmons began, a slight tremble in her tone. “How could you? How could you not even give us warning? After Maveth?” Simmons could feel her throat choke on tears she was holding back on that last word and she could see the guilt on Coulson’s face. She could see the twinge of pain on May’s, on Daisy’s, and she figured neither of them had known this was coming either. “I need some time to process this,” Simmons murmured, turning around to head towards any place where she could be alone.

\--

Daisy had been the one to seek out Fitz, certain that he was awake and hiding. She was right. She found him in his bunk. His face was pale and he looked like he was having trouble breathing. She took a step toward him and he flinched away from her like a scared animal.

“Fitz, it’s okay. It’s just me,” Daisy tried to get him to calm down. It made no difference.

“Just stay back, please,” Fitz begged.

“I just came to tell you, we’re not here on accident. Coulson made some kind of deal. But we’re free to move around. There’s even a lab if you’re interested in checking it out,” Daisy tried to entice him with science at which he shook his head.

“Why, so I can find something new to torture? To destroy? I’d probably end up killing us all. No thank you, I’ll just stay right here,” Fitz trembled.

“You have to stop blaming yourself,” Daisy tried to tell him but he turned his head to look as far away from her as he could.

“That’s what you said before we ended up here and I can’t help but think this is somehow my fault too. I can feel it,” Fitz confessed, now looking down at the floor like it might support his theory.

“It’s not your fault, I don’t think so anyway,” Daisy tried to sound comforting but mostly just came off as confused.

“Just, please leave. I need some time to process this,” Fitz pleaded and Daisy actually gave a small hint of a smile.

“Simmons said the same thing,” she told him before walking away. Fitz found himself with his head between his knees once more, gasping for breath. Of course, he’d hurt Simmons again. He’d brought her to space. This had to be his fault.

\--

According to her watch, she’d been awake on the station for nearly 24 hours. Most of that time had been spent sitting in an empty lab, cleaning and recleaning lab tools because it was what her hands were used to doing when she was stressed. She’d also spent some of that time just pacing back and forth. She’d ventured out to get something to eat and ended up vomiting in the kitchen sink. Daisy had come to help clean the mess and Simmons nearly collapsed against the counter from a mix of exhaustion and emotion. Daisy made her sit on a stool and gave her a once over with pity all over her face.

“The two of you are in bad shape. Go talk to Fitz. You guys need to talk,” Daisy told her. Simmons wasn’t sure she was the best person for Fitz to be talking to. Daisy’s face told her that it didn’t really matter, that they needed each other anyway.

Daisy showed her to the room and left her standing outside of it. Simmons was grateful because she could still turn back if she was scared. This was Fitz though. She’d abandoned him once and she wouldn’t do it again. If he needed her, she’d go to him, even if she did wonder if she was being selfish because she needed him just as much.

When she stepped inside, she found Fitz laying on his side on his bunk, facing the wall. He was asleep and kept repeating the same word over and over, “Jemma, Jemma, Jemma,” in this terrified voice.

That was when Simmons broke. She found herself on the floor in the farthest corner from him, knees pulled up to her chest, shaking in silent sobs. Every few moments, her breath would catch in her throat and she was afraid she’d wake him.

Her name in his voice was so many different things to her. It was the man she loved calling out to her. It was the man who had hurt her so many times recently calling out to her to trap her. It was her best friend pleading for help. It was Fitz calling out her name after he’d clawed his way across the universe to find her. And every time he said her name, she cried harder. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t have listened to Daisy. Any conversation with Fitz would have been easier than this.

She fell asleep like that, curled up in a ball in the corner of Fitz’s room, terrified and upset and feeling alone. And when Fitz woke, his heart broke at the sight of her. When he woke, he found her passed out with her head against the wall and her knees still curled up. He could see tear stains trailed down her cheeks. He could see how distressed she was, even in sleep. And it broke his heart. And he was still punishing himself. He couldn’t possibly go near her, not when he’d hurt her so many times. But he also couldn’t leave her like that. He loved her. He loved her so much that no matter how many nightmares plagued his mind, he could fight them off because her face was there in his memory telling him she loved him.

He picked her up gently, not wanting to wake her, and set her on his bunk. He sat at her feet, watching her sleep with worry creasing his brow. He cried quietly, taking in her expressions as she dreamed. There was mostly fear. Simmons was the strongest person he’d ever known. She’d survived being hunted on an alien planet, she’d pulled him up out of the bottom of the sea, she’d entered the nightmarish Framework and had fought for him even when he’d tried to kill her more than once.

To see that fear and vulnerability on her face made him want to help her but he didn’t know how. He knew that fear had to be his fault. He knew he should leave her alone so she wouldn’t wake up to the thing from her nightmares. But, as soon as he moved to leave her side, she screamed. It was a scream he’d heard before; a scream that he’d heard just before she’d pulled him from the ocean and he’d heard again when he’d killed a woman in cold blood and his whole body shook at the sound.

That was when she sat up, pupils dilated and breath caught in her throat. She didn’t know where she was or what was happening and as soon as she saw Fitz, her arms were flung around his neck. Her face was burrowed into the front of his shirt and she was shaking and he was shaking and both of them were crying and neither of them wanted to let go but both of them were scared of the other.

Once the initial shock wore off, Fitz went still and tried to pull away from her but she wouldn’t move and he felt terrible because he wanted her to stay but couldn’t hurt her anymore. What if she thought back on this in a few hours and remembered embracing a monster? But what if this was the last time he’d get to hug her because of that? He held her, running a hand through her hair and murmuring softly, “Jemma, it’s going to be okay.”

They stayed like that until Daisy entered the room cautiously and took in the sight of them. It seemed like a small victory to their friend; it was reassuring to see them together like that. As soon as Daisy cleared her throat, the two flung themselves back, out of one another’s space.

“Coulson wants us all in the common room. He’s telling us our assignments,” Daisy told them. She went out first to let them come out at their own pace.

Neither of them could look at the other, both afraid to mention what had been shared. Instead they stood up awkwardly and made for the door. Fitz let her go out first but she winced and he realized she was afraid of having someone walking behind her. So, he stepped in front of her and let her close the door behind them. He knew he’d lost her, that this was too much. But she surprised him. She stepped forward to walk beside him and, without a word, reached out and took his hand. They walked together, both weighed down with sadness and anxiety, but united in whatever small way they could manage. When they got to the common room, they released each other’s hand and stepped inside the room.

“I know there’s still so much to explain, but the higher-ups want you all to start working and they’re done sectioning off our space,” Coulson told the group of them. “Daisy and Elena, you’ll be helping train Inhumans onboard. May, you’re doing general training as well as managing paperwork. Mack, Fitz, you’ll be in engineering. Fitz, you’ll be splitting jobs between engineering and working with Simmons in the lab. Simmons, you’re in the lab. You’re also handling communications with Earth. Everything will be scripted, so don’t worry too much about figuring out what you’ll have to say,” Coulson rattled off jobs and each of them started mentally preparing themselves.

“Everyone gets one of these,” Coulson held up a bin filled with tablets and gave them each a specific one. “And, also, one of these,” he handed out smartwatches labelled with corresponding serial numbers to match their tablets. “Everything is monitored here. Everyone is tracked. In that way, it is a lot like a prison. We just have to try to look at it in a different light. At least we’re not trapped in cells, right?” Coulson had that same sarcastic tone that was his signature but none of them could manage even a half smile. They each put their watch on and took their tablet, reading off locations and task lists for their new jobs. May stayed behind to talk with Coulson but the rest left the room eagerly.

“Let’s try to be professional,” Fitz murmured to Simmons as they headed toward the lab.

“I agree, but we need to talk later,” Simmons told him. He winced but she looked like she wouldn’t budge on the topic. Both of them relaxed slightly when Mack came to stand between them and walked with them toward the lab.

“Looks like we’re being promoted to spaceship mechanics Turbo,” Mack tried to sound light but they all knew what they weren’t talking about. Their fake lives would haunt them but at least Mack was trying to live the one he had here in reality.

“I’m sure we’ll all have exciting new opportunities here in space prison,” Simmons muttered, getting something close to a laugh from each of them.

“At least Earth will be protected from us,” Fitz said and it got too real and Simmons gave him a look like she wanted to tell him otherwise but couldn’t right then.

“My tablet says to go this way, what about you Fitz?” Mack asked after an awkward pause.

“Yeah, uhm, I’m with you for now, I guess,” Fitz said, following Mack in the opposite direction of the lab and Simmons was left alone.

\--

Simmons knew she’d been the one to say they needed to talk, but she almost just went straight back to her own bunk instead of going to meet with Fitz. Then, she remembered how he’d been when she’d first come home from Maveth. He deserved that from her as well.

When she got there, he was already in the room, sitting anxiously on the edge of the bed. He had that ‘deer in the headlights’ look and Simmons remembered that they were both equally afraid.

“I’m so sorry Jemma,” Fitz started to tell her, looking up at her like he had no idea how to make this right.

“Don’t be,” Simmons told him. “Daisy was right, none of this was ever your fault. I know that, despite whatever it is you think I know. I don’t blame you Fitz.”

“Everything I did, the look in your eyes… If I had killed you, you’d be dead in both worlds. Mace… Even if you can ever forgive me, I know I can’t forgive myself,” Fitz started blurting out thoughts.

“I’ll help you,” Simmons told him weakly.

“What if you can’t?” he asked desperately.

“But what if I can?” she countered stubbornly.

“I don’t even think you should be near me. I’ll end up hurting you. You saw that version of me, what I was capable of,” Fitz stammered.

“You won’t hurt me,” Jemma told him, her eyes fierce instead of fearful.

“I almost killed you!” Fitz shouted and then shriveled back, repulsed by his own anger once again.

“I won’t let you hurt me,” Simmons promised. “You may have almost killed me inside the Framework, but I did kill you here, in reality. Not you, not really. The LMD you. And I was fairly certain you were an LMD, but what about that small percentage of uncertainty? You’re not the only one carrying guilt over trying to kill someone you love,” Simmons confessed, too tired to cry.

“What happened?” Fitz started, setting aside his own guilt to try and understand hers.

“Once you start to overcome some of your own guilt, perhaps I’ll tell you. Until then, I want you to remember that if I can do this, so can you. We can do this together. We can find our way back to ourselves,” Simmons murmured.

“I want to. It’s not that I’d choose this. But it’s like this reminder in my mind. I don’t deserve to have my old life back,” Fitz sounded so defeated.

“I deserve to have you back,” Simmons whispered. “It’s selfish of me, I know. But I know you’re still selfless inside and I know you won’t want to hurt me. So please, if you can’t do this for yourself, do it for me.” She was crying again and that made it even harder for them both.

“How?” Fitz choked on the word.

“Like this,” Simmons squeaked and held her hand out for his. It took a moment for him to work out what he wanted and then, his hand was in hers. “If you ever find yourself thinking for a second you don’t deserve me, you reach for my hand and I’ll squeeze yours as a reminder that we both deserve each other and that we’ve done nothing wrong,” Jemma told him with strength despite her tears.

“How can I believe that?” Fitz questioned.

“Because I’m almost always right. I would have thought you’d remember that from the academy,” Simmons gave a watery smile.

“Are we going to be okay?” Fitz cried as Simmons sat beside him, their hands still entwined.

“No, we’re going to cry and have nightmares and shake with fear. We’re going to fight sometimes and we’re going to keep going like this, worrying about one another. But we’ll move past some of that. And the rest is part of living, of existing. And I don’t think I’d ever be comfortable living anywhere without worrying about you. I love you. Worry and love often correlate, don’t you think?” Simmons tried to sound like she knew exactly what she was talking about.

“I love you too. And I will fight for us,” Fitz promised. And they both knew that this was only the first step in recovery but that they were both stronger for taking it.

\--

They went on nearly two weeks, strengthened by their step forward. They moved seamlessly in the lab, they maintained a steady banter to show that they were something close to normal again. They held hands often, their constant reminder of a promise to one another. They shared a room, not in a romantic way but in a supportive way. Neither of them was ready to talk about their relationship in terms of intimacy. Fitz was still struggling with the lack of consent in his Framework relationship with Ophelia. And Simmons was still heartbroken at the words on LMD Fitz’s lips of getting married and growing old together. Would Fitz ever want that with her?

At night, they held one another in their sleep, crying and calling out. Eventually, the nightmares came less and less but they still slept together anyway. It was an indulgent comfort they each allowed themselves. Even when their limbs weren’t wrapped up in the other, their hands would grasp together in their sleep, their promise sneaking into their dreams.

After a while, they started to adjust and find peace with one another and that was when they realized that they were ready to talk.

“What does it feel like now? The memories from the Framework?” Simmons asked one evening while they worked in the lab together.

“You know how the Hydra brainwashing works? How people feel like they’re split in two? And then, once someone comes out of it, they remember who they were all along, but they still have that thing mocking them in their head, reminding them of their mistakes. That’s how it feels. I wish I’d had a chance to meet the Winter Soldier. He was programmed to be a monster and I can relate to that.” Fitz shared with her, only meeting her eyes in the mirrored counters of the lab.

“When I realized that you were an LMD, the fake you tried to convince me that I was the LMD. For a moment, I wanted to kill myself, thinking that I was the LMD when I wasn’t. And we fought and I made you slit your wrist. I thought it would show me whether you were an LMD but that version was made too well so, I tried to help you, to save you. That was when the LMD stabbed me and drugged me and mapped my mind. I’ve been having trouble trusting ever since.” Simmons shared something she’d been struggling with as well.

“How can you even look at me? After all that? The LMD, The Doctor? How can you stand to be anywhere near me?” Fitz took a step back from her, trying to give her some distance.

“I know it wasn’t you. Those were just strings of code wearing your face like a mask. But they reminded me how much I would fight for you, for my Fitz.” Simmons told him, respecting his space and not moving closer.

“How many other things did you face during the Framework? The files said you were dead in there. Were you just in hiding? What was your life like?” Fitz asked her, trying to piece things together.

“I didn’t have a life. I was dead and buried in a mass grave,” Simmons told him coldly, knowing it wasn’t his fault but still resenting AIDA for all the lies. “The LMD version of you had said we could be married in the Framework, grow old together. It was a lie. I was never supposed to make it out alive.” At her words, Fitz looked like he might throw up.

“She tried to take your place Jemma. She replaced you in my life, meeting me at the academy. You were the thing that made me good Jemma and without you, I was horrible. And AIDA did that to us,” Fitz admonished and Simmons was so proud to see him lay responsibility anywhere but entirely on their own shoulders.

“Fitz, was your LMD right? Did you ever want to be with me, married?” Simmons asked quietly.

“It was the only future I’ve ever wanted,” Fitz told her soundly.

“And still?” Simmons met his gaze hopefully.

“Always; it will always be what I want,” he replied. They inched toward one another when the lab door opened and May reminded Simmons it was time for her to send a transmission to Earth.

\--

Simmons had spent the entire duration of the transmission forcing her smile and wishing she could get back to Fitz to finish whatever they’d just started. When she was done, she couldn’t find him so, she waited in their room, pacing back and forth until he came in with two plates of freeze-dried food and a blush on his cheeks. Simmons wondered if he was trying very hard to make some semblance of a romantic dinner while they were imprisoned in space. A smile crept its way onto her face and as he set the food down on a small table they’d acquired while settling into their cell, Simmons reached a hand out for him to take. They deserved each other, they deserved to be happy.

When he took it, Simmons could see a decision being made in his head. Before she could reason what that decision was, he’d pulled her closer to himself, their faces close enough to kiss. “Is this… Is this okay?” Fitz asked and Simmons could hear the need for consent clear in his tone. He knew to never be like Ophelia.

“Of course,” she replied eyes locked on his and then their lips met as gently as a feather brushing skin. Their hands were intertwined between the two of them and Simmons could feel a new promise being added to their touch; they deserved to love one another. After the gentlest touch of lips, they let their foreheads rest against each other, breathing quickly, eyes closed. Fitz took his other hand, shaking with phantom injury, and placed it against her back, drawing her in closer, and their lips met again, more eager this time. Simmons felt a rush run through her, a chemical reaction, and savored it. Fitz wished he could suspend them in this moment for the rest of their lives. A moment that was pure and freed them from all the things they’d had to overcome. What happened next was a frenzy of lips against flesh and sighs of content and heated breaths. They’d found their way back to one another and things were finally looking up again.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” Fitz whispered in her ear as they lay wrapped up in one another on the bunk.

“We’ll be better than okay,” Simmons whispered back, “We’ll be happy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are much appreciated. Unless they're mean, then they will be less appreciated.


End file.
